#‎IStandWithPP‬

Today's shootings at the Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado Springs--an act of terrorism by an American citizen--have already brought the ugliest out of the minds of people who oppose abortion.

I posted this a few months back, when Congress--led by the forces that brought down Speaker Boehner--debated defunding Planned Parenthood.

I still have questions for those who think today's actions were some sort of victory for their side.
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As many of you may know, I was on staff at a local PP affiliate a little over a decade ago. As a staff member I witnessed a number of things that might make you feel angry or upset:

I witnessed the harassment of women who were coming in for routine healthcare--things like well visits, prenatal care (YES, caring for actual pregnant women who make a decision to carry their pregnancies to term; PP does that), breast exams, STD screenings, and counseling--even on days when our center was not providing abortion services.

I had doors slammed in my face in the halls of our state house and Congress because I wanted to talk about things like emergency contraception for surivors of rape. (YES, working for better healthcare even outside our facilities; PP does that.)

I had a local legislator tell me that a large Catholic hospital would have to close down if we "made them" provide compassionate care for rape survivors.

I learned special protocols for opening our mail, especially after 9/11, as PP affiliates were targeted by people attempting to harm our staff and patients. There was never a day where security was something we could take for granted; there was never a day when I thought it wasn't worth going to work because of that.

I saw first hand how wide the gap between the haves and have-nots could be, and how PP's staff was dedicated to getting every person--women AND men--who came through the door (YES, actual men who come to PP for their well care, STD screenings and contraception; PP does that) the best care they could have regardless of their ability to pay. Every member of the team--from the administration to the maintenance staff--was part of helping every patient. The commitment of these professionals is unparalleled.

A REQUEST:

Please ask yourself if your doctor--or you--would be willing to endure threats every day that their office would be closed down, or worse: that they might be stalked, injured or killed by someone who disagreed with the smallest percentage of what they do in their practice. Ask yourself what you would do if you had no other choice but to continue to go there or avoid getting medical care at all. Would you be willing to forego medical care during a pregnancy, or after a cancer diagnosis?

For those of you jumping for joy that Congress voted to defund Planned Parenthood--a vote based on doctored videos that have been proven to be false by multiple sources, and a vote that will surely be vetoed, causing a government shutdown that will affect MILLIONS--please explain your joy to me.

I AM NOT GOING TO DEBATE YOU. I am going to listen to your reasons. I really want to know and understand why keeping affordable healthcare from men and women is so important to you that you are willing to take the government down to do it. I AM SERIOUS. I will listen, and although I can't promise I will understand, I certainly want to. I want to know why something that doesn't affect you directly is so important to you.

You can post here, or PM me. I ask that you keep your comments respectful and factual; I am here to learn, not to fight.

If my unwavering support of Planned Parenthood is upsetting to you, please feel free to block or unfriend me. Sometimes personal convictions cause us to limit those we can converse with; I hope this is not the case.

Likeminded friends, and those who still serve the public by going to work at ‪#‎PP‬ every day--this is not a question for you. I know why you do what you do, and I stand with you. Get off the computer and go continue to do the work that must be done. ‪

Raw

When you died nine years ago, I thought that if I could get through the first week, the first thirty days, the first year, I would only have to remember when I called the loss to me and let the grief in.

I did not expect this; to have months and months where the sadness seems impenetrable, and where reminders are everywhere.

It starts in September.  Back to school. You should be here to see our son start fifth grade. He is so much like you. He is tall, and handsome, and curious and mind-blowingly smart. He has this incredible brain that remembers details of everything, but yet can't hold onto names.

You should be here, teaching him how to build airplane models, fix cars and build things.

You should be here teaching him about birds, horses, amateur radio, opera, The Goon Show and Hungary.

You should be here reveling in him.  You should be here looking at stamps and coins, taking things apart and going on fantastic adventures.

You should be here because he doesn't even know what he's missing, but I do. 

He loves science.

He whistles.

He makes your "concentration face."

He holds his body the way you did.

He has your hands.

He loves art.

He is seriously goofy.

He has every bit of your sweet, kind and generous disposition, and your legendary appetite.

You should be here because sometimes the questions are bigger than I can find answers for.

You should be here because without you, there is no home. 

Tomorrow, we will gather where we live, and we'll remember you. We will strive to complete your son's story of your life by transplanting our memories into the spaces in his.

And we will continue the work of building new memories and moving forward through the days, weeks and months ahead. 

Always working to be less raw.

You are still missed, loved and remembered. 143-88

Paul Charles Matthes 5/27/56-11/26/06